Dear Father of My Son

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To the Father of My Son,

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I know he’s hard to handle right now. You can barely deal with him long enough for me to wash my hair.

“He hates me,” was your response as he screamed at you. “He hates me.”

And yes, he’s better for me because I have boobs. Thank the heavens for boobs. He would be impossible otherwise.

But “better” doesn’t mean he’s easy for me. Nothing in the whole wide world is easy about this job.

If I could paint a picture, it would show me with our child straddling my back while I dog paddled into a hurricane. Because honestly, that’s how I feel some days. Like I’m dog paddling into a hurricane with a kid on my back.

I spend my entire day teaching him rhymes, tickling his tummy, teaching him to sleep, helping him eat, making sure his diaper is clean and dry, trying to keep the spit-up to a minimum, worrying about his mouth, worrying about that stuffy nose, worrying about the dogs, worrying about anyone and everyone who looks at him, trying to keep the house as clean as possible, forcing myself to let him cry just long enough for me to scarf down some semblance of lunch or use the bathroom.

Then I find myself wondering if he’ll recognize everything that I’m doing when he’s an adult, wondering if his girlfriend will have a clue or if his wife will know, knowing she won’t. Knowing I’ll lose him to her.

This. Right now. This is truly all I have.

I spend my time snuggling him. Oh the snuggles. The sweet, sweet snuggles. And I give him every piece of me because babies don’t keep.

They grow up. They won’t be like this forever. Or for long. And when he’s an adult I’ll miss his baby feet. I’ll laugh at the way he hated naps. I’ll tell him about how he rolled over when he was two weeks old and scared me to death. Or about that time he spit-up all in my hair and I was so exhausted that I wiped it out with a damp cloth and didn’t find a moment to wash my hair until two days later.

I’ll lose him to you, too. He won’t want his momma when Daddy teaches him to cast a line. He won’t want his momma when his daddy gives him a rifle for Christmas and takes him out that evening to learn how to use it. He won’t want his momma during the following October, November, December, and January. Or during the rest of the year when it’s this season or that.

Well, at least not like he wants me now.

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I’ll lose him to you when you take him to the lake. I’ll lose him to you when you teach him to shave. I’ll lose him to you when you tell him how to treat a woman on his first date. I’ll lose him to you when you talk about manly things in the truck.

Love, I’ll lose him to you, first. Then we’ll both lose him to his wife.

It’ll happen slowly, then all at once. You’ll see.

We have right now to teach him to love. That’s it.

He has to love us the way he’ll love that woman someday. That woman who will no doubt be the luckiest girl in the world, because he has two parents who taught him in the best way. By loving one another so very deeply.

So be patient with us, Love. You’ll have the opportunity to steal him away soon enough. He doesn’t hate you. I promise.

Right now he’s Momma’s baby. But tomorrow he’ll be Daddy’s son.

With love,

Your Wife

If you enjoyed this post, check out A Letter to my Unborn Son.

Also, follow me on Twitter @daynakhickman and on Instagram @daynakay.

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11 thoughts on “Dear Father of My Son

    Betty Moore said:
    January 1, 2015 at 6:42 pm

    Dayna, I cried when I read your beautiful description of your feelings. Thank you for sharing. Nanny

    Like

    sheracameron said:
    January 2, 2015 at 4:36 pm

    Dayna,

    You are wise beyond your years. Everything you said I believe to be spot on (even though I have only daughters.)That little guy is always gonna adore you, though. You are adorable.

    Loves,
    Aunt Shera

    Like

    Anna said:
    January 8, 2015 at 1:30 am

    Wonderful expression of words. This touched my soul. My 1st husband was out of our lives before my children’s first recollections of life. I have always wished they had a father, but often secretly treasured the fact that I didn’t have to share them on certain weekends. Your words make me wish I could have lost him to a Father for all those wonderful bonding moments that he missed out on. But, he is a Mama’s boy and that is okay too. Exquisitely written, you are very talented. Thank you for sharing your heart.

    Liked by 1 person

      daynakristine responded:
      January 8, 2015 at 1:34 am

      Anna, I’m very sorry about your first husband. I came from a split family and understand too keenly how heartbreaking it can be. Hug your little ones tight for me.

      And thank you for the compliment.

      Like

    Kathy Lynn said:
    January 8, 2015 at 5:09 am

    Dayna,

    All I can say is WOW, this touched me on so many levels, and the coolest thing is that I am reading it from my Daughter-in-law having shared this on Face Book. As I read this, my emotions were all over the place……remembering my Son as a little boy and how he thought the sun set and rose in me his Momma, until he transferred that adoration to his Father. Unfortuately in later years his Father and I divorced and ultimately his Father ruined the special bond they once had. Years later when my Son matured into a young Man and in College, he stunned me one day when he revealed to me that his Dad was no longer his hero….I was! As much as it pleased me for him to view me in such a favorable way, it breaks my heart to know he doesn’t have his Father in his life. I am however, proud and happy to see him now happily married to a wonderful, beautiful girl and the proud Father of two precious little boys, and what an amazing Father he is. My heart could not be any more proud of him and full of love. Thank you for your beautiful words and to my Daughter-in – law for sharing them.

    From a loving Momma, whose grown Son will always be her baby boy.

    Liked by 1 person

    accsoleh84 said:
    January 9, 2015 at 7:40 am

    Wonderful expression of words.

    Liked by 1 person

    Sarah said:
    January 9, 2015 at 9:21 pm

    Beautifully said! I have three boys, and I’ve been ditched by two of them for Daddy. He’s the cool one, now. It goes by so fast.

    You brought a tear to my eye. This randomly popped up on my facebook feed, and I’m glad I clicked.

    Liked by 1 person

    Deb said:
    January 10, 2015 at 1:09 pm

    I have two daughters and yes this happens with girls also. Very well written! Beautiful family you have started. Enjoy your life together!

    Liked by 1 person

    Britany Howard said:
    January 12, 2015 at 10:20 am

    Diana,
    I found this post from a friend of mine. And you know its true. I have a son whos two and a daughter whos one theyre all about mom right now and their dad always complains that they want me. I showed this to him and he laughed at me and said so its not me. Thank you for easing the tension in my house hold.
    With all my thanks,
    A loving mom of two
    Britany Howard

    Liked by 1 person

    Ben said:
    February 1, 2015 at 4:07 am

    I don’t know how I ended up here or why I even started reading but once I started reading I couldn’t stop. Props

    Like

    staceylee said:
    March 21, 2015 at 2:59 pm

    A very well written piece and oh so true I’m now pregnant with my fourth. And what u written is exactly how I feel about my lil one yr old dominic..it will b daddy’s turn fast enough you should keep writing

    Like

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